


Midnight Shift: A Vampire Burger Queen

by 4Mortea



Series: Midnight Shift: Resentment and Fries [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Crack and Angst, Fast Food, Gen, Just a little angst, Maybe - Freeform, One Shot, POV First Person, Post-Breaking Dawn, Post-Canon, Renesmee works at Burger King, Resentful Renesmee, she is edward's daughter after all, too many kevins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28688199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4Mortea/pseuds/4Mortea
Summary: Between potatoes and people, there was no question which one was the more morally bankrupt bite.When presented with immortality, you have choices to make. You could be like Edward, and waste away going to high school ad infinitum. Or you could follow my steps, work at Burger King and befriend the homeless guy there.The choice is yours.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Series: Midnight Shift: Resentment and Fries [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107725
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Midnight Shift: A Vampire Burger Queen

"Get fucked" I said as I dunked the fries into the fryer.

If Edward wept at the sounds of classical orchestra, then the bubbling of the hot oil was my siren song.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen! Do not speak to your m- Bella like that!" I rolled my eyes, the fact the Cullens had made it this far without detection was truly astonishing.

I threw a side glance at my tormentors and nearly snorted. They looked like every second they spent at this Burger King was mounting evidence that confirmed the very existence of hell. Not that I could entirely blame them, no less than three hours ago someone took a shit in the very spot where Edward stood.

Edward, unsurprisingly, grimaced even further.

"If you wanna talk with this 'Renesmee', then you're in the wrong place cuz no one working here goes by that name"

"You're being ridiculous," Bella's expression now matched her husband's. Or what was it in this town? Foster sister, maybe? It was something with equally incestuous vibes.

I shrugged and checked whether or not Straight Kevin was back from his pot break. _Still absent, as expected. Reach the skies, king._

"I don't know Isabella, am I? Since when are you the only one allowed to go by a preferred name?" This time, Edward was the one who rolled his eyes.

"You're being deliberately obtuse," maybe so, but they deliberately named me Renesmee, so I felt entitled.

"I go by Resentment Cannibal. Equally ridiculous, but at least its ironic," the expressions on their faces were so hard that they resembled statues far more than they normally did.

The timer rang, so I pulled the fries from the oil. My mouth watered, and not for the first time I wondered when would be the last time I'd find the smell appetizing. Gay Kevin, who also happened to be assistant manager Kevin, was currently on bathroom cleaning duty, so I popped a couple of fries into my mouth.

"Are...are you allowed to do that?" I shrugged at Bella's question. What Gay Kevin didn't see, didn't hurt him.

Edward didn't look impressed.

"Steady Eddy, I hear a fall from a horse that high can be a serious pain in the ass," it was unbelievable that the billionaire serial killer had the audacity to look down at my harmless snacking.

Between potatoes and people, there was no question which one was the more morally bankrupt bite.

Edward's face went from stormy to apocalyptic.

"Gonna order something? We take the no loitering rule very seriously here" At that, Jeremiah - our resident homeless man - looked up from his water. I winked at him, the man had been here long before I started working and I suspected he'd be here long after I left.

Edward sighed.

"Renesmee," I started mentally screeching. "Resentment Cannibal," he corrected, but not without looking as if just saying the name physically pained him. _Good_.

"Don't be stupid, come back to school with the rest of us. You don't belong here and being a high school drop out is not you"

I raised my eyebrow at him.

"I'm sorry but that isn't in the menu. Would you like a double whopper combo instead?"

I heard the back door open and someone stumble inside the kitchen. Straight Kevin was finally done hot boxing in his car. The pungent smell mixed delightfully with the other scents in the kitchen. I could see Bella stop her breathing. No more talking from her then.

Edward closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Class traitor gramps would be proud.

That seemed to be the last straw.

Metaphorically speaking, anyway. I had refilled the straw dispenser when my shift began and since then, no one but me and Straight Kevin had taken any straws. Even so, we were promptly forbidden from grabbing anymore after Gay Kevin saw us using them to projectile soggy paper balls at annoying customers.

"Ok that's it. When you get home we're going to have a very serious conversation about this as a family. This sort of behaviour is unacceptable and you will be facing very serious consequences"

"Wow, to think you guys have more of a problem with me working at Burger King that you do living with a Confederate soldier"

"Renesmee!"

"Isabella!"

"Enough!" I stuck out my split tongue at Edward. He scowled, the forked tongue debacle was one he had resoundingly lost.

"As fun as this has been," I clapped to emphasize each word, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave, because you haven't ordered anything and you're monopolizing my time. Actual paying customers need me right now."

Bella glanced around the nearly empty store. It looked like she was ready to say something, but she must have preferred not being able to smell the establishment, because she only shook her head and left.

Edward stayed in the store for a minute longer before he followed Bella out.

"Have a craptacular day!" I said cheerfully as the door closed after him. Jeremiah snorted.

I leaned on the counter and snacked on more fries, the man was due for a hot meal soon. It was a shame I couldn't take my break until None of Your Fucking Business Kevin started his shift.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned. Not for the first time I wondered which was a worst fate - to spend eternity alone but be free to spend it however I wanted to, or to spend eternity with people like me but be forced to conform to their ridiculous and nonsensical expectations.

I squished a ketchup packet for the sake of it. The condiment more or less exploded all over the place.

Death was also an option.

I sighed. Burger King was so not the place to unpack that.

Maybe someone should check on Gay Kevin, I thought instead while cleaning up my mess. It wouldn't be the first time the toxic fumes from the bathroom made an employee pass out.

I sighed again.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. I just vibe with the idea of Renesmee just giving 0 fucks.
> 
> For more...whatever this is... check out my side blog [leechonspeeddial](https://leechonspeeddial.tumblr.com)


End file.
